I just turned four.

My day's highlights.

I'M VERY YOUNG:

Nobody knew at school that it was my birthday until the principal came in and announced to the kids that it's my birthday. They got excited and went where I was and asked me how old I am. I said "I'm four years old." They got more excited. The girls started jumping and clapping saying "Teacher, we're the same. I'm also four." Then I asked them, "Do you really think I'm four?" One said "No teacher. I think you're five years old." The rest seems convinced that I'm just four. I just smiled. They believed me. ;-)

ON MARRIAGE:

Since it's Valentine's Day on Monday, the kids were given the chance to share what they know about love. Typically the kids talked about sharing their snacks and giving away cards to their friends. One of the youngest girl in class caught my attention when she knelt in front of me on one knee and extended her arms (as if holding a bouquet of flowers) while saying "Teacher, it's when a boy gives a girl some flowers and asks Will you marry me?" In my mind I was saying "Oh, so you watch too much romance movies with your mom, huh?" Later that day we got the chance to talk again. This time she told me how much she loves Justine Beiber. Lastly, she said "Teacher, I want to marry him." Oh kids...

LICENSE PICTURES:

Nothing's changed. I still look ugly in my driver's license. I wished to look better in my PRC ID. Apparently, the girl in the cheap photoshop messed up my picture by editing it a little too much. I like my wavy hair but she made it look as if it's straight. It emphasized the 'current' thin frame of my face. I wanted to ask her to change it. But I was in a hurry. Come what may. At least I was wearing a wide smile and it'll only appear small in the ID. :-)

WALL FLOODING:

This was my stat a few hours before my birthday:

"Well thought of birthday greetings are welcomed on my wall. But if it's just "Happy birthday", please just comment on this wall post or send me a message. Thank you."

Only a few commented. The rest missed the stat. So, my wall now shouts "Happy Birthday". But it's alright. At least they made an effort to greet me. :-)

CLEAN UP:

I will clean up my wall and tag friends in this note as a way of saying "Thank you" for the greetings. Birthdays come only once a year. As we age and as we gain more responsibilities, birthdays become more insignificant. But a birthday greeting is like a pat on the back. Always reminding us to take it easy and to slow down a bit even just for a day. Today, a received lot of it. I can sleep with a smile on my face. :-)

Where the Wild Things Are? In my head...

She seems to be in hiding but my intiution tells me that she knows I'll find her somehow. It's been more than a year since we last talked and I can tell that she's happy from her notes and blog posts. Looking back, I know that we could have saved our friendship if not for our pride or our dramas back then. I was depressed and she was hiding her pain. I was openly hurting and she was pretending to be ok. I felt I had more right to let go of the friendship that lasted for more than a decade because I felt more neglected. I was alone and I was at my lowest point. I needed understanding. But false judgement was what I got instead. She was happy (or maybe pretending that she is). She got reunited to her old flame (which I disapproved of eventually). I only got myself and her, my bestfriend.

I saved myself from having regrets and learned to let go. She wasn't the first one that I had to let go that year. I've learned that people change. Some will go and believe it or not they will be replaced. Some will choose to stay despite the changes and that's where compromise play its part. Some will keep coming back, so, you don't have to invest too much emotion on them. In a nutshell, relationships vary and you have to be flexible. You've got to have an open mind to understand all these to navigate through life. We live with people and we'll keep on inteacting with people up to our very last breath.

So, her life will go on and so does my life. We're both happy and contended with the way things are. I still think about her once in a while and I stalk her blogsite to know how she is. My pride has created a very thick wall between us. It always remind me of the last words I've told her. I've hold it true in my heart and I know there's no longer room for reconciliation. But I still miss her and I know that the memories I had with her will never be forgotten. She's like a ghost, constantly lingering in the places we've been to together. She's my favorite memory from the past and I think no one will ever replace her throne. She was my bestfriend and I will never look for another now that I know I can love myself more than any friend can. I'm contented with that. I am my own bestfriend.

Deflate the balloon

THERE'S A BOX THAT I DON'T WANT TO OPEN:

Beside me now is a box enough to swallow me. It has a bunch of goodies inside I know for sure. But I don't want to open it. Not because I don't want what's inside it but because I've been cleaning up clutter since after my weekend trip and I'm not even halfway done. My body haven't even recovered yet. I'm tired, drained and I have work until tomorrow. There's nothing that I want to do but to relax.

THE WRITER'S BLAH:

Just yesterday, I read the news about the "supermoon" on March19 being a natural occurrence and that the tides will only be a little higher/lower than usual. The writer said that there will be no tsunami despite the fact that a tsunami happened some years ago in Thailand a week before a supermoon. I wonder what's running in his mind right now.

FIRSTS AND LASTS:

It was my first time to try the free shuttle service of Gateway-Alimall today. It was fun. It was like a mini city tour in a place I know so well. I'd ride that shuttle again next time.

My favorite little boy in class tagged along his mom in today's PTC. His mom said that he won't be going to school already next week. As a goodbye, he gave a hug and a kiss. He doesn't have an idea how much I'll miss him. I get teary eyed whenever I think about the possibility of not seeing him again. I hope he'll grow up to be a great guy. I miss him already and it breaks my heart. I'm not even being cheesy.

I GAVE A WARNING:

I know myself. In fact, I know myself so well that I give out warnings even before I act on something. Some months ago, before deciding on climbing Mt.Apo, I aired out that I'm weak and I don't have enough gears to pass as someone capable of climbing that mountain. But nobody discouraged me. In fact, I was encouraged all the more. Much to my dismay when my weaknesses and lack of gear was taken against me during the climb itself. Did anybody even listen when I said I'm weak and I'm not planning to purchase anything that I won't use eventually? If yes, why did I feel so unsupported after that shouting incident happened? I don't even know when I'll have the chance to climb another mountain again. To add, I climb mountains to relieve myself from stress and to have fun. But honestly, all these tasks, groupings and performance assessment is wearing me off. I need a fun group not another work group.

Some people marry for all the wrong P-reasons (pronounced as prisons)...

Physical attraction

Passion

Practicality

Pregnancy

Politics

Power

Prestige

Popularity

Pressure

...when the only reason must be the readiness to start a family and to sustain it.

Readiness takes time for some. Some have it naturally...

Readiness is not being romantic or sentimental. It is maturity.

Maturity is not elegance or refineness. It is wisdom put into action.

Wisdom is not being condescending. It is the capacity to understand and act on the complexities of life.

Marriage is not a destination. It's a calling.

Stereotyping ACTION...

ACTION MOVIE:

A movie wherein a good looking underdog (or underdogs if they're many) wreaks havoc in a certain location. That location can be a city, a town or a planet. The madness is usually driven by a certain cause which often gravitates to power, vengeance, money or a special person (who's more often than not good looking). Of course, the damage inflicted on the location, irregardless of the lives of the innocent people living there, is always justified. Quite strangely, I'm starting to appreciate it. It all started with Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

ACTION HERO:

The good looking underdog who's task is to chase after the ugly guy. The chase often involves wreaking havok and mass killing. But since he's (or she's) good looking and he's (or she's) an underdog, his (or her) actions are justfied. He's (or She's) usually the one who wins at the end of the story.

ACTION VILLAIN:

The ugly looking underdog who's usually misunderstood. His (or Her) story is usually not heard or included in the story. Nobody is supposed to care about his (or her) character because he (or she) is supposed to scare or annoy the audience. He (or She) is usually the smart one, tho. But of course, the hero has to win. So, he or she has to die or be exiled at the end of the story.

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" - Who's fault is it?

We live in a competitive society where even those who are below our equals or our competition radars try to compete with us. And believe me when I say that no matter how much we tell ourselves and our friends that "they" don't affect us, they actually do. In fact, they are oftentimes even more annoying than those people we perceive as our equals or our competition. That's why we see a lot of angry and distressed stats about "insecure" and even "ugly" people. This is true especially for those who never initiates bitchiness in a room. I, for one, had been a victim of this crazy scenario a couple of times and had blacklisted people because of this. I've been shouted at, gossiped and devalued when I never had the intention to get into such mess because a hostile environment is too toxic for me. I thrive where there's respect and peace. It's where I'm happy.

But it got me into thinking. Is it entirely the fault of those people who hate us because they're insecure? I used to think that it is, but I changed my mind. When we put our blame entirely on them, we become the bitch. We have it all; we are pretty, smart and desirable. What's left for them? Perhaps they're devalued a lot because of their lack of this and that. So even if they secretly admire or love us, they're on the defense. Because they have none. So, whenever they see us, they feel threatened. Human by nature is territorial. All of us are inclined to protect what we believe belongs to us or should belong to us.

So, while it's natural to initally hate our haters, it's wrong dwell on the pain they've caused and put the blame fully on them. Because as long as we look and act threatening, it'll always be partly our fault. In fact, we must learn to say "I'm sorry if I was threatening to you. I'll do my best to make you feel good as much as possible" sincerely. In that way, they'll see their value. Once they do, that's only the time that they will see us not as a threat but as a friend. I think looking non-threatening is a must have skill.